Unspoken Expectations In Relationships: Finding Peace In What Goes Unsaid
There’s a quiet weight that often sits inside relationships: the things we expect but never say out loud. Jaclyn and Sam Thurmond, in one of their most honest conversations on The Freq Show, opened up about how these unspoken expectations can shape the atmosphere of a home, sometimes without either partner realizing it until tension rises.
They reminded listeners that the real work is not in eliminating expectations altogether, but in bringing them into the light—with compassion, honesty, and love.
Unspoken Expectations In Relationships
When Jaclyn reflected on her own hidden assumptions, she admitted:
“My unspoken expectation was that once the workday ended, it was our time.”
It’s a feeling many can relate to—believing that a partner should simply read your mind. But left unsaid, even the smallest expectations can grow into quiet resentments.
Sam added with humility, “The topic is unspoken expectations, so the breakdown is me not just saying, hey, are you good to do dinner, since I just had Roman all day?”
Their honesty shows how simple assumptions, left unspoken, can build unnecessary pressure.
Expectations In A Relationship
In their library-dining room, surrounded by books and the everyday chaos of family life, Jaclyn confessed to getting frustrated when her vision for the evening didn’t align with Sam’s. “It was immature of me to be annoyed with you that you went to do the VA stuff, and it was a little immature of you to be like, hey, now it’s your responsibility to make dinner… But here’s the thing. We can laugh about it now because we see the silliness from both sides.”
That laughter is what diffuses the tension. It’s what transforms a disagreement into a moment of connection.
The truth is, expectations are woven into every relationship. They aren’t the enemy. It’s the silence around them that causes harm.
Unrealistic Expectations In Relationships
Sam put it plainly: “I think the error is assuming… assuming that you would not feel like you needed to pay me back.”
Unrealistic expectations often sound like “you should just know” or “you always” or “you never.” They’re rooted in the false belief that love means your partner can read your mind. But real love is about grace—giving space for imperfection and choosing to speak kindly, even when the unspoken feels heavy.
Healthy Expectations In A Relationship
What does it look like to create healthier rhythms? For Jaclyn, it’s about freedom:
“If the job gets done, he gets to do it however he wants to do it, and if the job gets done, she gets to do it however she wants to do it, then there’s a lot of freedom in that relationship.”
This is the foundation of healthy expectations—trusting one another’s autonomy, while still speaking up about needs before frustration turns into resentment.
For readers exploring how clear expectations flow into deeper connection, you may also resonate with our episode post How to Align Energetically with Your Partner and Build a Thriving Life Together, a soulful guide on co-creating a relationship rooted in vision and resonance.
How To Release The Pressure Of The Unspoken
Over their 16 years together, Jaclyn and Sam have discovered that expectations don’t have to weigh a relationship down. What matters is the willingness to speak, listen, and—sometimes most importantly—to laugh.
Jaclyn shared with tenderness: “We hash it out, and sometimes we’ll have a knockdown, drag-out fight, but at the end of it I know that I love you and we’re in it to win it.”
Their story shows that love doesn’t thrive on perfection—it thrives on presence, communication, and the courage to keep showing up.
If unspoken expectations sometimes leave you feeling insecure or unseen, you might find How to Get Confidence Back: A Compassionate Guide for When You Feel Small helpful—it's about reclaiming your confidence in small, intentional moments.
Final Thought: Giving Voice To What Matters
Unspoken expectations in relationships are universal. They reveal our humanity and our longing to be known. But as Jaclyn and Sam remind us, the magic happens when we give voice to those longings instead of waiting for someone else to guess them.
Maybe for you, it’s as simple as saying, “I’d love it if we could eat dinner together tonight.” Or, “I really need a quiet hour to recharge.”
The point isn’t to avoid expectations—it’s to voice them in a way that creates connection instead of distance. Because when love is spoken out loud, it leaves less room for misunderstanding and more room for grace.
Live on purpose. Live on frequency.
Ien Araneta - editor of The Freq Show & The Beckon Times
