How to Get Confidence Back: A Compassionate Guide for When You Feel Small
Have you ever scrolled through social media and thought to yourself, “Everyone else seems to have it all together”? That mom with the spotless kitchen, hair perfectly curled, smiling kids lined up in a row. Or that entrepreneur who seems to launch project after project without ever second-guessing themselves.
And then you look around your own life — dishes in the sink, a pile of laundry that’s been waiting all week, sticky notes of unfinished ideas scattered across your desk. You notice the way you stumbled over your words in a meeting, or the fact that you avoided speaking up altogether. And suddenly, your confidence feels like it’s hiding in the shadows.
Friend, I’ve been there. Many times.
Confidence is one of the most important qualities we can carry — it shapes how we show up in our relationships, our work, and even how we care for our own bodies. But losing it? That happens to all of us. Sometimes little by little, through negative thoughts that creep in at night. Sometimes all at once, after a heartbreak, a setback, or a season that stretched us too thin.
The good news? Confidence can always be rebuilt. It’s not something you either “have” or “don’t have.” It’s something you grow back, tenderly and intentionally. So on this blog, I want to share a guide on how to get confidence back — not through perfection, but through compassion.
How to Get Confidence Back
It took me a while to know this but here’s the thing about confidence: it’s not about being flawless, loud, or never doubting yourself. True confidence is quiet. It’s trusting your voice, honoring your worth, and believing you belong in the spaces you step into.
When we lose it, though, everything feels heavier. We pull back from opportunities. Our mental health suffers. We stop showing up fully in our relationships. Our quality of life shifts in ways we don’t even realize until months have passed and we’re wondering, Where did my spark go?
This guide is here to help you find it again.
Why Is Confidence Important in Life
Confidence Strengthens Mental Health
When confidence fades, negative self talk gets loud.
“You’re not enough.”
“You’ll never measure up.”
These inner thoughts chip away at your joy and can even lead to mental illness like anxiety or depression. Building confidence softens those harsh voices and replaces them with compassion.
When confidence grows, the harsh voices soften, and you begin to replace them with encouragement. That simple shift helps you feel positive about yourself and your future, even in challenging seasons.
Confidence Supports Physical Health
When you believe you’re worth the effort, you care for your body differently. You move because it feels good. You rest because you deserve it. You nourish yourself not out of punishment, but out of love. Confidence creates healthier rhythms for your physical health.
Confidence Shapes Relationships
Think about the people you love most — aren’t you drawn to their steadiness, not their perfection? When you have confidence and self esteem, you’re more likely to set healthy boundaries, communicate clearly, and let yourself be fully known in relationships.
Confidence Fuels Your Dreams
How many ideas have stayed trapped in notebooks because someone didn’t feel brave enough to share them? Confidence is what allows you to raise your hand, apply for the job, publish the post, pitch the idea. Without it, dreams stall. With it, doors open.
What Causes Low Confidence in Adults
If you’ve been struggling with a lack of confidence, you’re not alone. Many people with low self esteem find themselves caught in cycles of comparison, doubt, and self-criticism — but that doesn’t mean it has to stay this way.
Constant comparison, especially through social media highlight reels
Criticism from childhood, teachers, or past relationships that still echoes in your head
Unprocessed failure, trauma, or heartbreak
Long seasons of exhaustion or burnout
A spiral of negative thoughts and doubt
Struggles with mental illness
Staying too long in environments that don’t support your growth
A lack of community or encouragement from people who truly see you
How to Get Your Confidence Back
Challenge Negative Thoughts
You know that voice that tells you, “You’re behind” or “You’ll mess this up”? Notice it. Pause. Ask yourself, Would I say this to someone I love? If not, it doesn’t deserve to stay. Confidence grows when you slowly retrain that voice with gentler, truer words.
Practice Self Care Without Guilt
Practice self care isn’t just bubble baths — it’s choosing habits that remind you daily: I’m worth caring for. For me (and you can start with these while you find your own), it looks like journaling, lighting a candle, or stepping outside for fresh air. These tiny moments of care rebuild trust with yourself.
Confidence isn’t built overnight, but when you keep choosing habits that help you feel good in your own skin, you slowly rebuild trust with yourself — and that’s where confidence begins.
Reframe Social Media Use
Scrolling can be toxic when every post feels like proof that you’re not enough. Try curating your feed with accounts that uplift, educate, or make you laugh. And when you notice comparison creeping in, step away. Remember, those squares are curated — not the whole story.
Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence doesn’t come back in one giant leap. It comes in whispers: the day you finally sent that email, spoke up in a meeting, or finished something you started. Write these wins down. Look back when you forget how far you’ve come.
Surround Yourself With Support
Being around people who believe in you changes everything. Seek out a supportive friend, mentor, or group who can reflect back the strengths you can’t always see. We weren’t meant to do this alone.
Tend to Mental Health
If your lack of confidence is deeply rooted, therapy, coaching, or journaling can create space to unpack it. Prioritizing mental health doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re wise enough to do the healing work.
Return to Gratitude
Confidence can wobble when life feels overwhelming. Gratitude steadies it. Start by noticing the small things: the taste of your morning coffee, the way sunlight spills across your floor. Gratitude shifts your perspective from what’s missing to what’s already here. If you’d like a deeper dive, I share more about this in How to Find Gratitude.
Final Thought
Sweet friend, if your confidence feels far away right now, I want you to know this: you are not broken. You’re human. And every single one of us has had moments — or seasons — when our self-belief faltered.
Confidence isn’t about pretending to have it all together. It’s built in messy kitchens, unfinished projects, and small acts of bravery that no one else may even see. It’s in the moment you choose to be kinder to yourself, the moment you speak even though your voice shakes, the moment you decide to keep going when you want to quit.
Confidence doesn’t return all at once. I know, it took me a while as well, but it comes back in layers, in whispers, in daily choices. And step by step, you will remember who you are.
Take heart. Take the next small step. And know: I’m walking this path with you.
Live on Purpose, Live on Frequency,
Jaclyn Steele Thurmond