You Are Not Your Mistake: Taking On Too Much Responsibility
We all do it.
We replay conversations, overanalyze decisions, and wonder if we should’ve done more. And if you’re someone who deeply cares — about people, purpose, doing good work — that self-blame can settle in fast.
Jaclyn Steele Thurmond knows that feeling intimately. In this episode of The Freq Show, she and her husband Sam Thurmond opened up about how easy it is to take on too much responsibility — especially when we internalize mistakes as reflections of who we are.
Their conversation is raw, relatable, and full of love. It’s also filled with encouragement — not just for recognizing when you’re carrying more than your share, but for learning how to put some of that weight down. And maybe, feel good again.
Taking On Too Much Responsibility
So what makes someone take the fall for everything — even when it’s not actually their fault?
For Jaclyn and Sam, that question led to a beautiful heart-to-heart about identity, resilience, and how we show up when things get hard.
“We made a mistake, and we think it says something about who we are,” Sam said. “But that moment isn’t who we are.”
That really hit home. When we start equating mistakes with our worth, we feel stuck. But growth begins when we separate what happened from who we are.
As Sam put it, “We’re not the situation we’re in. We’re not the mistake we made.” That truth? It’s freeing.
What Is Internalization?
Internalization is sneaky. It’s what happens when we don’t just deal with hard things — we absorb them. We make them personal, even when they aren’t.
Jaclyn shared how often she’s caught herself feeling responsible for things that weren’t hers to carry. It’s not uncommon — especially for women, empaths, creatives, and anyone who wants to get it right.
Sam pointed out something so simple but powerful:
“We’ll forgive a stranger in a second,” Sam said, “but we won’t forgive ourselves for weeks.”
Sound familiar?
That inward blame creates a loop of self-judgment that can keep us from moving forward. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Internalization loses its grip the moment we start to notice it — and name it.
Start With Separation
One of the most powerful takeaways from their conversation was the idea of separation — reminding ourselves that our identity is not defined by what went wrong.
Jaclyn and Sam offered a beautiful practice: imagine it was your best friend who made the mistake instead of you. Would you talk to them the same way you talk to yourself?
Probably not.
That simple shift can change everything. It helps soften unrealistic expectations and bring in compassion — not just for others, but for yourself too.
If this feels familiar, our recent post “How Can You Use Mastering to Develop a Growth Mindset” explores shifting inner narratives and rewiring your self-talk.
Positive Self-Talk Isn’t Woo — It Works
It might feel awkward at first, but speaking kindly to yourself really changes things.
“From the second we open our eyes, we need to speak to ourselves with kindness,” Sam said. “Or the little devil on our shoulder is gonna run the show.”
Jaclyn shared that even one day of kind mirror talk can shift the tone of your inner world. “Just try it,” she smiled. “You’ll feel the difference.”
This isn’t about fluff — it’s about building trust within yourself. And it’s one of the most genuine, feel‑good ways to begin.
Future Frequency Journaling
Jaclyn also shared her go‑to daily ritual: journaling from the voice of her future self — the version of you that feels and acts how you want to be.
“I write it in present tense,” she explained. “And what happens is, I start to feel gratitude for it — even before it’s real.”
That energy creates a shift. It’s not magic — it’s embodiment. It’s how we start aligning with our next chapter, before the circumstances even catch up.
This practice builds confidence, softens self-blame, and reminds us: we’re allowed to live from joy, not just duty.
This kind of forward-thinking energy is something Sam expands on in Mindset Before Machines: How to Start Thinking Like an AI‑Savvy Entrepreneur, where he explores the mindset shifts that help us align our work with our purpose — and stay grounded while dreaming big.
Journal Prompt:
What’s something you’ve been blaming yourself for?
What might shift if you saw it through the eyes of compassion?
How To Set Healthy Boundaries
When you’re used to carrying everything, it can be hard to see where the line is. That’s why perspective matters.
“Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re taking on too much until someone we trust points it out,” Sam said.
For Jaclyn, Sam often brings fresh clarity — gently reminding her she doesn’t have to do it all. But even without that mirror, you can give yourself the same clarity through journaling, talking things out, or simply writing thoughts down.
Healthy emotional boundaries also look like:
Asking yourself, “Is this mine to fix?”
Letting silence be enough — you don’t need to fill every gap.
Gently reminding yourself: “Just because I care doesn’t mean it’s my responsibility.”
Boundaries aren’t about walls — they’re about clarity. They’re how we stay whole in the middle of the mess.
For more on gently creating emotional space, check out “How to Deal With Negative Feedback” — it’s packed with grace-filled tools for protecting your energy in tough conversations .
Final Reflection: What Are You Carrying That Isn’t Yours?
As they wrapped up the episode, Jaclyn and Sam left listeners with this question:
What are you holding right now… that maybe isn’t yours to carry?
Sit with it. Breathe with it. Write it out. Talk it out.
Then ask yourself: what would it feel like to set that down?
You’re allowed to feel good.
You’re allowed to grow without guilt.
You’re allowed to be imperfect — and still deeply worthy of joy, peace, and possibility.
You are not your mistake.
You never were.
Live on purpose. Live on frequency.
Ien Araneta - editor of The Freq Show & The Beckon Times
