Letting Go Of The Need For Approval
There’s a unique kind of burnout that comes not just from working hard—but from constantly trying to prove that you’re enough.
In this soul-baring episode of The Freq Show, Jaclyn Steele Thurmond opens up about what it’s cost her to live in that space: the need for approval, the pressure to constantly do more, and the internal belief that her worth was tied to her output. Together with her husband Sam, the two explore the often invisible toll that performance-based living takes on our minds, bodies, and relationships—and how stepping into a life of overflow has changed everything.
Letting Go Of The Need For Approval
For years, Jaclyn lived in a cycle many high-achievers will recognize. She worked hard, pushed limits, hit goals—but instead of celebrating, she told herself, “I need to do more.”
That desire to prove herself—rooted partly in childhood and partly in cultural messaging—led her to believe that rest was weakness and constant motion was the only way to be worthy.
“I always felt like I was behind,” she shares. “Like I had to keep going. Keep driving. Keep whipping myself into submission.”
The result? A constant, nagging sense of urgency. Even watching a show felt impossible without getting up five times to do something “productive.”
Sam gently points out the difference between ambition and the deeper struggle to prove one’s worth. “There’s a healthy side of proving you can grow,” he says. “But when you can never be at peace, that’s when it becomes dangerous.”
If you’re walking this healing path too, our blog “How To Start Healing From Anxiety” offers gentle, rooted practices for soothing the nervous system and honoring your body amid transformation.
From Thoughts to Physical Breakdown
The emotional toll soon turned physical.
As Jaclyn reflects on the years she spent in constant performance mode, she traces the ripple effects: disconnection, shame, anxiety—and ultimately, adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues, and a dysregulated nervous system.
“I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2020,” she shares. “And it was then I really started to realize: this isn’t just mental. This need to prove myself is hurting my body.”
Even postpartum, she felt the pressure. “I told myself I wasn’t going to use having a baby as an excuse,” she says. “So I put on makeup, went to the gym, traveled, skied—six weeks after a C-section.”
Sam, reflecting on their marriage, admits it was hard to understand at first. “I didn’t grow up needing that kind of affirmation,” he says. “And I didn’t give it, either. I wasn’t verbal. So I think Jac assumed my silence meant disapproval.”
It’s a tender moment—one that reveals how this dynamic played out not just internally for Jaclyn, but relationally between them, too.
So many couples face these quiet disconnects—especially when emotional needs and communication styles don’t match. If that’s something you’ve experienced too, this piece might bring both comfort and insight: “How to Align Energetically with Your Partner and Build a Thriving Life Together.”
Creating from Overflow Instead of Emptiness
Everything began to shift when one quiet question crept into Jaclyn’s mind:
What would it feel like to create from overflow?
Not from pressure. Not from lack. Not from fear of being seen as lazy or unworthy. But from joy.
That question became her north star. Slowly, she stopped striving and started living. She allowed herself to cook for pleasure, read novels just because, slow down and savor instead of perform and produce.
And ironically, the more she let go—the more productive she became.
“I used to start my days at a negative 20,” she laughs. “Now I’m starting at a surplus of 20. That energy shift changes everything.”
Faith, Safety, and the Freedom to Be
When asked what’s made the biggest difference, Jaclyn doesn’t hesitate.
“My foundation,” she says. “It’s you, Sam. It’s our son. It’s this home. And it’s my faith in Jesus—knowing everything is happening for me.”
That sense of safety, she says, is what finally allowed her to stop trying to prove herself. It gave her the courage to create boldly, rest without guilt, and let go of the fear that her value was up for debate.
Sam agrees. “You realize what really matters. Faith. Family. Home. Everything else is just noise.”
It’s also where gratitude becomes a daily grounding practice. Choosing to focus on what’s steady, what’s real, and what’s already good can gently shift us out of approval seeking and into a mindset of enough. If you’re in that process too, you’ll love this post: “How Gratitude Changes Everything”.
How To Get Over The Need For Validation
Below are real, practical, and heartfelt ways to stop approval seeking, refocus your time and energy, and return to your own intrinsic worth.
1. Practice Creating From Overflow
Instead of working from pressure or obligation, try creating from joy and abundance. Give yourself permission to slow down, recharge, and only say yes from a place of alignment.
2. Name the Voice That Tells You You’re Behind
Jaclyn’s turning point came when she stopped and asked: “Whose voice is this?” Identifying the inner critic—and questioning its truth—can be the first step toward healing.
3. Rest Without Earning It
You don’t have to be exhausted to deserve a break. Rest is not a reward for performance—it’s a birthright.
4. Notice When You’re Performing
Are you doing something to be seen? Applauded? Recognized? Or are you doing it because it lights you up? Let that question guide your choices.
5. Separate Ambition From Approval Seeking
Growth is beautiful. But if your drive is rooted in a belief that you’re not enough, it will never feel satisfying. Anchor your ambition in self-worth, not self-doubt.
6. Build a Foundation of Safety
Whether it’s faith, family, a best friend, or a therapist—create a homebase where you are loved unconditionally. That security is the antidote to approval seeking.
7. Let Go of Perfectionism
You’re allowed to be a work in progress. You’re allowed to get it wrong. There’s grace in the mess—and connection in your honesty.
8. Redefine Productivity
Busyness is not proof of worth. Productivity can look like play, rest, joy, and stillness. Redefine what a “successful” day looks like.
9. Surround Yourself With People Who Don’t Need You to Perform
The more you’re surrounded by people who love you for your being, not your doing, the easier it becomes to love yourself that way too.
10. Speak Affirmation Over Yourself Daily
You don’t need to wait for someone else to tell you you’re valuable. Start your day by saying it to yourself.
11. Stop Trying to Prove Your Worth Through Output
You’re not your résumé. Your laundry list. Your inbox. Your Instagram. You are already enough, right now.
12. Reclaim Your Time and Energy
Burnout thrives when you give your time and energy to things that drain you. Say no more often. Choose peace over performance.
13. Replace “I Should Be Further By Now” With “I’m Right Where I’m Meant to Be”
Let go of the timeline. You’re not behind. You’re becoming—and that takes time.
14. Root Your Worth in Faith, Not Feedback
As Jaclyn shared, when you believe your worth comes from God, not the world, you stop chasing validation and start living in peace.
Final Thought
You don’t have to earn your worth.
Not through achievements. Not through appearance. Not through exhaustion, over-performance, or constant approval seeking. Your worth is not something you acquire—it’s something you were born with. It’s your birthright, written into your being before you ever accomplished a single thing.
And I know—truly know—how easy it is to forget that in a world that constantly measures value by output. But your soul wasn’t created to be hustled into worthiness. It was created to live, to love, to rest, to rise, to expand, and to shine simply because you are here.
You are allowed to stop proving.
You are allowed to lay it all down—the endless striving, the internal measuring stick, the fear that if you slow down, you’ll lose your value. You won’t. You never could.
You are already enough. Just as you are, right now, in this moment.
And when you begin to believe that—truly believe it—not only does the pressure lift, but everything begins to change. Your time and energy return. Your body exhales. Your joy rises. And you get to live, create, and love from a place of peace and overflow.
This is the invitation: not to do more, but to remember who you are.
You are already worthy.
Live on purpose. Live on frequency.
Ien Araneta - editor of The Freq Show & The Beckon Times
